Mom, momma, mommy, whatever you may go by….in case you haven’t been told lately, you are doing great! You are killing it, in fact! You deserve that bowl of chocolate ice cream with sprinkles, and why not add that glass of red wine as well. This act of yummy deliciousness that we treat ourselves to, is something that we should do more often than not. Let me tell you why.
I’m learning as a new mom, that “we” as moms don’t give ourselves enough credit. We are too hard on ourselves and hold ourselves to these crazy standards. We don’t give ourselves grace. Which is so crazy to me. I mean, before I was pregnant (and now) I would tell my mom how amazing she was and how she does so much for our family. Most of the time I never got a positive response back. I could tell on those days she didn’t believe it, when she should have. She was and IS the best mom ever and I wouldn’t be the mom I am today if it wasn’t for her.
I never really understood why she didn’t believe me until now. Now that I am a mom, it’s like this weird feeling that I can’t describe. It’s as though this weird feeling has come over me, since I have had Elsie. It’s like a “pressure point” that is holding you up to some weird, crazy standard for a perfect mom. Like I’m talking Barbie mom, with the pink car and white picket fence kind of perfect. I mean, WHAT?! Why? That’s silly. But we all do it, I do it.
We all do it because we want the best for our kid(s). But that doesn’t mean we need to wear ourselves out by doing so. We also need to support each other. Let each other know that we are doing a good job. It’s nice to hear once in a while. While that is hard to do during this weird season we are living in, we can practice giving ourselves grace, by the way we talk.
A couple weeks ago I learned this. I kept on saying that “I am trying to be a good mom,” “I am trying to be a good co-worker,” “ I am trying…” fill in the blank. This led to frustration when I would say things like that. What I didn’t realize is how I was saying it. Of course I had my family and friends telling me that I was doing great and that I was a good mom, until it finally clicked when my boss gave me tough love and said that I need to stop using the word “trying”, that you are not “trying”, instead you are “doing”. So instead of saying “I am trying to be a good mom,” I started saying, “ I am doing my best as a mom” or even better “I am a good mom.” It was amazing how a couple words changed the way I thought about myself and how it boosted my self esteem.
I guess what I am trying…I mean..doing my best to say is, we,you, myself.. We are all EXCELLENT moms. Not just now, not just yesterday or today, EVERYDAY. So the next time you are craving those french fries with chocolate shake, do it momma, you deserve it!
I am going to host a virtual “Momma Conversation”, to talk about this, how we need to boost each other up, and anything else that may come up. I will be doing this on December 28 at 7pm mountain time. To join, here is the link https://join.freeconferencecall.com/hillaryvice .