Tag: birth

Gift Yourself Grace

Posted on by Hillary

Mom, momma, mommy, whatever you may go by….in case you haven’t been told lately, you are doing great! You are killing it, in fact! You deserve that bowl of chocolate ice cream with sprinkles, and why not add that glass of red wine as well. This act of yummy deliciousness that we treat ourselves to, is something that we should do more often than not. Let me tell you why.

 

I’m learning as a new mom, that “we” as moms don’t give ourselves enough credit. We are too hard on ourselves and hold ourselves to these crazy standards. We don’t give ourselves grace. Which is so crazy to me. I mean, before I was pregnant (and now) I would tell my mom how amazing she was and how she does so much for our family. Most of the time I never got a positive response back. I could tell on those days she didn’t believe it, when she should have. She was and IS the best mom ever and I wouldn’t be the mom I am today if it wasn’t for her. 

 

I never really understood why she didn’t believe me until now. Now that I am a mom, it’s like this weird feeling that I can’t describe. It’s as though this weird feeling has come over me, since I have had Elsie. It’s like a “pressure point” that is holding you up to some weird, crazy standard for a perfect mom. Like I’m talking Barbie mom, with the pink car and white picket fence kind of perfect. I mean, WHAT?! Why? That’s silly. But we all do it, I do it.

 

We all do it because we want the best for our kid(s). But that doesn’t mean we need to wear ourselves out by doing so. We also need to support each other. Let each other know that we are doing a good job. It’s nice to hear once in a while. While that is hard to do during this weird season we are living in, we can practice giving ourselves grace, by the way we talk. 

 

A couple weeks ago I learned this. I kept on saying that “I am trying to be a good mom,” “I am trying to be a good co-worker,” “ I am trying…” fill in the blank. This led to frustration when I would say things like that. What I didn’t realize is how I was saying it. Of course I had my family and friends telling me that I was doing great and that I was a good mom, until it finally clicked when my boss gave me tough love and said that I need to stop using the word “trying”, that you are not “trying”, instead you are “doing”. So instead of saying “I am trying to be a good mom,” I started saying, “ I am doing my best as a mom” or even better “I am a good mom.” It was amazing how a couple words changed the way I thought about myself and how it boosted my self esteem.

 

I guess what I am trying…I mean..doing my best to say is, we,you, myself.. We are all EXCELLENT moms. Not just now, not just yesterday or today, EVERYDAY. So the next time you are craving those french fries with chocolate shake, do it momma, you deserve it!

I am going to host a virtual “Momma Conversation”, to talk about this, how we need to boost each other up, and anything else that may come up. I will be doing this on December 28 at 7pm mountain time. To join, here is the link https://join.freeconferencecall.com/hillaryvice .

 

Being Pregnant During COVID-19

Posted on by Hillary

My husband and I found out we were going to be parents in October 2019. I can’t tell you how excited we both were. We could not wait to start planning for our baby’s arrival.

Planning for parenthood comes with many stresses, but it also brings joy in celebrating with loved ones and sharing the exciting news with our friends and family.

Fast forward to March, where my mother, grandmother and I were planning a baby shower for my husband and our baby girl sheduled for April. The theme was going to be ice cream, because her nursery will be covered in images of this sweet treat (I picked this theme because I was craving it at the time).

March was also the month that COVID-19 started to become a real issue in Colorado. I’ll be honest and say that at the time I wasn’t very concerned about the virus. I thought this crisis would go away in a week or two and everything would be fine. Honestly, looking back at that time, I was probably in denial. I didn’t want to think about what the pandemic would mean for myself and our baby.

My denial remained as the pandemic got worse. I thought everything would remain the same. I was wrong. Things did start to change…and they started to change quickly.

In mid-March, I went to one of many check-ups. The appointment was to check my glucose levels. The next day, I received a call from the hospital. I needed to come back in for a three-hour gestational test, because my test results were worrisome. My heart dropped to my stomach. I called my doctor’s office just to make sure this wasn’t a mistake. It wasn’t.

That same day, I received an email from St. Mary’s Hospital saying  the virus was causing the cancellation of all pregnancy classes until further notice. My heart sank deeper. As a first time parent, I was really counting on these classes about pregnancy and breastfeeding.

As a visual learner, these classes felt like a “safety net” to me.

The next day I drove myself to St. Mary’s Hospital, right when they opened at 7:00 am. This was my first experience going to a medical building during the pandeminc (besides my doctor’s office), so I wasn’t sure what to except.

I was already nervous for the results that would determine if I had gestational diabetes. I did not want to contract the COVID-19 virus. I felt like going to the hospital was probably one of the worst places to go as a pregnant woman.

When I walked in the front doors I was immediately greeted by two nurses wearing masks. The first one asked if I had any respiratory issues and if I was feeling well. I told her I felt fine. The next nurse took my temperature. I was cleared. I sanitized my hands and walked upstairs.

After nervously scrolling through my phone in the waiting area, I was finally called-in and poked for the first time. I had three more to go, while waiting an hour in between each one. It was a stressful waiting experience. I wasn’t just waiting for the testing to be over and to get my results. I was also carefully watching other people as they came to the office , staring them down, making sure they didn’t sit next to me. Normally I am a friendly person and wouldn’t mind, but because of the circumstances I was very uneasy.

The testing was finally done, and I was back in the safety of my own house. After washing my hands, I received my results and it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulder. I was cleared.

A few more days went by, and there were more challenges. My mom, grandma and I decided to not have a baby shower, but instead wait until the baby is born. I was bummed, but I also didn’t want to get my family or my friends sick, so I knew it was the right decision.

I’m sure you are thinking to yourself, “why didn’t you just do a virtual baby shower”, I thought about it, but it wouldn’t have been the same. A virtual shower probably would have been less stress on my husband and I as we prepare for our baby’s arrival, but I still want the human connection, so waiting it is.

I now feel like a year has already gone by since this virus started. I try to take it day by day and keep a positive attitude, but as I watch the news and social media, I find myself overthinking, stressing about what other “bad” or “challenging” news I’ll face  as I prepare for childbirth in June.

A friend of mine recently posted that he may not be able to be in the room with his girlfriend as she gives birth. The virus might keep him out. That made my heart sink, It also made me angry, frustrated and scared. I can’t imagine going through childbirth without my husband in the room.

My doctor reassured me that he can be there.  However, I don’t feel reassured, and as this virus gets worse, how many other things am I going to have to be “reassured” on before I feel at ease.

Will I feel at ease before she is born? After? I’m not sure. What I do know is that planning for a newborn in this “new world” is challenging, scary, and frightening and it’s something I’m sure no new mother was planning for either.

God bless my family, my doctor and the people in my life who are supporting me, my husband, and our baby,  so we can be strong and wise parents for our daughter.